by Lindsay McPhail
Earth Monkey Moms 
Do you really remember the first days of having your first little monkey??? Mine are honestly a blur. I do remember cussing out my cousin in the middle of the night some time in the beginning because she told me that getting up during the night wasn’t hard at all and she could barely wait to see her little one ready to eat. It was all I could do to pry my very damaged… never to be the same again… hoo-hoo out of bed only to have to fumble with a nipple shield so I could make a mess and ruin perfectly good PJ’s and then end up a crying puddle with a hungry, crying baby and a husband who was probably thinking about making a run for it. :):)
- “Oh, when are you due??” The teller at the bank forever scarred me when I walked up BABY IN ARMS as he asked when I was due… I was like When am I do you little punk??? I just spent 13 hours pushing this watermelon headed kid out!!!
- “Wow You Look Tired!” Do I even need to explain… never say this to anyone… EVER… it’s code for you look like s
hcrap and everyone knows it!
- “Don’t worry breast feeding will take off your extra weight.”Well maybe it did for you, but I quite literally ate everything but the kitchen sink and it didn’t work for me… don’t give tired, strung out mamas false hope:)
- “Don’t worry his cone head will go away…” Hey maybe I like his little pointy head… I just pushed a human out of me… A HUMAN CAME OUT OF MY INSIDES!!! His misshapen head is my badge of victory!:)
- Look at him/her and say”Is it a Boy or a Girl…?” Seriously just don’t… no matter what… don’t… it could push a hormonal new mama right over the edge:)
OK these are the things that scarred me as a new mom and I have vowed never to repeat… what crazy things did people say to you???