August 28, 2012
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August 28, 2012
by Gena, Silver Nest Designs
From Blog Earth Monkey Moms
I am a divorcé. Oh the horror, gasp, no way, OMG! There was a time in my early years of being married that I was very judgmental toward people that did not “honor their commitment to marriage!” Wow how those kind of stupid “holier than thou” thoughts have come back to bite me in the butt!!!
I was married for almost 7 years when a week before our 8th anniversary, my husband moved out. Now I’m sure that you all are just dying to hear that story, (right) but suffice it say that it happened very suddenly and I not only lost my husband, but my best friend (you get my drift???). To say that it was horribly devastating, heartbreaking and traumatic, is at best, and understatement. I remember the moment that I learned why they call it a “broken heart”, and why someone could drive off of a cliff because of it. This was the person that I had committed my life to, the man I thought I would grow old with, the man I built my life around!
What I want to talk about though, is what I learned from it all…not everything, because that would take days!!! I have had the chance to talk to loads of women who have gone through the same thing; The heartbreak is about the same but the major difference is how we come out of it in the end.
See, what I learned is that I can sit around for days, months or even years and feel sorry for myself. I could wallow in self pity, sulk and bore everyone with the details for years on how “my x this, and my x that”. Wouldn’t that be productive! I’m sorry, but to be totally honest, I talked to so many women who gave their exes that kind of power over them for years, lots of years, and I was determined to NOT be one of them. Seriously, I had every right to be bitter and angry but then who still has the power over me? He would have! Call me crazy, but that was the last thing I wanted to give him was more power!!! Let me be totally clear,
If you stay angry or bitter…you are the only one that will suffer!
I started hanging out with my sweet husband much before I ever even thought it was a good idea. He was just a friend, really people! Let me just be clear…this is not part of my “advice”…I’m not suggesting to anyone in this situation that you date right away and marry the first guy that comes along without years of healing; but for me it was right. (one other thing I have stopped being judgmental about!) For sure there were times when my past snuck in like a punch in the face, but again I had to remind myself…”do I give my x that kind of power over me??”. For me the answer was always NO. I had a very hard time trusting, but my husband is NOT my x!
Life is scary and unpredictable. “it” could happen to me again, but do I live in fear? Do I let my past dictate my future? Heeeellll noooooooooooo! I look at my husband and praise God for letting him be the man I get to share my life with. I look at my kids, amazing, beautiful little faces and weep at the thought that they would not be ours if I would have been too scared to move on! We just celebrated 9 years of marriage and I love him more than I did when I married him!
We all have the crap from our past that scares us into paralysis…whether it’s abuse from a parent, someone abandoning you, death, or like me divorce, and I certainly don’t want to insult anyone or in anyway oversimplify any of these traumas, but at the end of the day, it’s up to you. Are you going to give that a**hole person from your past control over how you choose your future? Or are you going to be brave, take a leap of faith and jump? You survived lady!!!! now get off the couch and go live! Let your past give you strength because you are wiser, and more resilient. Life is waiting, be brave and live! (or I will come to your house and give you a good dose of Gena drill sergeant!)
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