The Oregon Book Report - Book News from Oregon

To the Sister I miss so much….

February 13, 2013

write-inkPadilla-Sara

 

 

.
By Sara Padilla, Portland
Sunshine & Salad Blog

– Bronze Prize Winner ($25) Valentine’s ContestEvery day this week a new winner will be revealed.

Dear Liz,

It has been 6 1/2 years since you’ve been gone. Today would have been your 35th birthday. That sounds so old! But I am older, always the big sister.

At the beginning, memories of you came crashing in, beautiful, and angry as I was angry.
Today they are gentler, but no less vivid. You are no less colorful, no less a part of my story. You just play a different role.

For about six years, I focused on losing you. I was deeply unhappy. It’s strange how one can experience profound joy and yet remain sad. That has been my experience since you died. I have given birth to two incredible children. Your nephews! They provide me hours of entertainment and education and give me great cause for humility. Parenting is among those experiences that you will not have an opportunity to intimately understand, though you, as a child, were parented.

You know those t-shirts, the ones that say “Life is Good”? I hated those t-shirts after you died. The simple, powerful message made me feel so empty and resentful. How dare happy people brag about how great things are going?

Mom used to wear those t-shirts.

Liz, since you left us, I’ve spent a great deal of time focused on regret and missed opportunity, on all the things that you did not do, and never will do, like holding your baby in your arms in those first few unbelievable moments. The senselessness of your death consumed me to the point where my own experience of Life began to unravel.

In the past six months, my vision has shifted somewhat. I rise at dawn to run on some days. I sleep in on others. I’ve begun to draw upon a source of energy that is all my own. There is a sense of hope, of opportunity.

Even though I miss you each and every moment of every day.

However, I have reclaimed my place in the world. Each of us has to do so in order to truly live. Men, women, children, toddlers, even babies. We all contribute. We all err. We start anew.

I don’t know what you would say today if you were here among us in the living world. But I know that death doesn’t destroy love. It only heightens the experience.

Please continue to be a greeter of angels, my sister. I will see you again someday.

  
Print This Post Print This Post    Email This Post Email This Post

Discuss this article

Nathalie Padilla February 13, 2013

Beautifully written as always! Congratulations on your prize! Please keep writing!

Nathalie

Michal Ann McArthur February 13, 2013

Thanks for sharing your touching letter, Sara. I’m so glad you have been able to reclaim your place in the world.

WindSong February 13, 2013

You have shown great honor and love for your sister.
This is what family is about.
Very moved by your words.

Mary LaBounty February 13, 2013

thank you for sharing such a beautiful and intimate letter.

paralaxvu February 15, 2013

Every time I read your writing about Liz, I am sad all over again. I can’t think of how terrible it would be to lose my sister. You keep on writing, Girl! Whatever it is, it’s always good.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


− 1 = five

Latest Headlines

Subscribe to Weekly Updates

 

Top Business News

 

Top Book News

 

Top Natural Resource News

 

Top Faith News

 

Copyright © 2014, OregonReport. All Rights Reserved. | Terms of Use - Copyright - Legal Policy | Contact Oregon Report

Stay Tuned...

Stay up to date with the latest political news and commentary from Oregon Women's Report through weekly email updates:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Prefer another subscription option? Subscribe to our RSS Feed, become a fan on Facebook, or follow us on Twitter.

RSS Twitter Facebook

No Thanks (close this box)