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August 19, 2013
by Sandy Coughlin
The Reluctant Entertainer
Medford blogger, author, entertainer.
My husband and I recently heard Dr. Brene’ Brown, PH.D. speak at a conference and I loved her positive spin on life. Of course my mind goes directly to entertaining at home, and the message here at RE, that you can feel genuine happiness by opening your home to others.
Some people will say, I’m just missing out on stress, or I’ll be spending money I don’t have, or It’s just too much work. True, but I say, and I think Dr. Brene’ would agree with me, that “connection” is what the world is missing out on.
We all want to fit in, be involved, be loved, and get invited to the party. But when it comes to opening our homes, so many of us shy away.
To get down to the nitty-gritty of entertaining, when you have the dinner party all worked out and things are coming together, I’d say there is one thing to focus on, once the party gets started. That is, whether you really want to host a meaningful party or not. Along with a pretty table and good food, you and your spouse or partner or friend need to decide ahead of time that you’re going to make the best of the evening together. And that includes being vulnerable, opening up to your guests, being honest with what’s happening in your life, and being interested and curious with your guests.
That means asking questions about their lives and going deep with them.
My husband, Paul, is actually a lot like Dr. Brene’, being an introvert (but speaking in front of thousands of people), and not really being a big-party person. He gets energized in different ways than I do, but at the same time, he’s learned to come on board and get involved in what I love: Hosting a dinner party!
I still think it’s the sweetest thing that my husband would do this for me! Marriage is about give and take, and he says I glow when people come to our house for a meal.
So together, we work as a team when it comes to hosting a dinner party.
Check out these 4 Happiness Stealers and see if you fall into any of these categories. No wonder there is stress involved, and possibly the family hates it when you say people are coming for dinner, if you lose your happiness.
4 Happiness Stealers:
1. Perfecting. Being imperfect actually makes you more real and relatable to others.
2. Pretending. Faking that you have it all together only causes more internal stress, and doesn’t show true love.
3. Over-pleasing. Figure out your entertaining style and what works for you and don’t stray from it and feel pressured to please everyone.
4. Proving myself. This puts a ton of pressure on yourself and expectations that if you fail, you’re a flop or a bad person.
I’ve learned to just be real. Be honest. Let the guests know what’s going on, while you also show that you care about them.
Show love, which comes from your spirit, attitude, and countenance.
Get down to the nitty-gritty when it comes to conversation.
It’s a guarantee that your guests will leave happier than when they got to your house.
I’d say that happens in our home, almost every time. And I promise, it’s NOT about the food.
What more could people want when coming to your house for dinner?
Do you struggle with any of these happiness stealers? Do they stop you from entertaining?
If you struggle with vulnerability, and it stops you from opening your home, I highly encourage you to take a few minutes and watch Dr. Brene’s talk on Ted.com. It may just change your life …
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