Our last blog discussed 3 discipline problems parents have with kids who yell. Did you come up with some solutions? Today we’ll share some of ours. Do you recall how Drew shouted, “I’m sick and tired of these stupid chores!” Or how Kenzie yelled, “I hate this dinner!” Or how Pete and Peyton screamed about taking turns at the bat? Franklin P. Jones once said, “You can learn many things from children – how much patience you have, for instance.” As the parent, you have discipline choices for your yellers. Consider the suggestions below:
First I’ll give you the Feedback Formula then I’ll suggest a solution for each problem.
Memorize this formula and use it often when it applies:
When you (the unwanted behavior)
I feel (your own emotion)
I want you to (the new behavior)
The next time Drew won’t get out of bed, don’t yell like Drew’s mom, “”I’m sick and tired of being your alarm clock. Get out of bed now!” He heard her voice and copied her tone and her words. She was his model when he didn’t want to do his chores.
If you’re a yeller, don’t be surprised when your children yell back. Break your yelling habit like you’d snap a twig. Make a strong decision that you’ll yell no more. To do this, tone down your emotion. Think before you speak. Make sure you’re not whining. Use the Feedback Formula.
The Feedback Formula for Drew:
When you stay in bed,
I feel frustrated.
I want you to get up and get ready on time for school.
This may not change Drew’s behavior by itself. You may have to stop waking Drew and let him be late for school. After all, that would be a logical consequence.
The Feedback Formula for Kenzie:
When you won’t eat the family dinner I fix,
I feel hurt,
I want you to eat the family dinner or nothing at all.
Again, this may not change Kenzie’s behavior. At least you’ve said what you think. You should follow through with your words and not make her a different meal.
Feedback Formula for Peyton and Pete:
Boys, when you yell and fight,
I feel angry
I want you to solve your problems fairly or quit playing with each other.
Peyton and Pete need to know you mean what you say. Rather than yell through the window, go outside. Take the bat and ball. Lock them away. Send Peyton and Pete to different Time Outs.
As with any of these disciplines, they must be repeated over and over until your children understand you mean what you say.
Remember, yelling doesn’t work. Discipline takes patience.
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