By Jean Tracy,
What happens to discipline when your child argues with you? Does the discipline become a battle? Learn 3 ways to model character and practice the winning formula for solving arguments. It’s time you get the respect you deserve.
The Discipline Problem: Endless Arguing between You and Your Kids:
Arguing with kids is like a spinning top. It keeps spinning until you give up, tip over, and say, “Yes” when you want to say, “No.” Kids push arguments to senseless heights. Be rational when they’re not, otherwise your discipline will fail. They’ll win. Why? Many kids argue louder and longer than their parents. If this is the way your kids get what they want, you can change it.
Let’s look at 3 discipline solutions for ending arguments and solving problems, but first let’s look into your past.
Did You Argue with Your Parents?
If so, did you win? Was it easier for them to give up than to keep arguing? Was arguing the way you got what you wanted? Do you remember telling your parents –
1. You always say, “No!”
2. You make me do everything!
3. It isn’t fair!
Maybe you felt powerful, angry, or guilty. Perhaps you lost respect for your parents. Realize your kids feel the same way. That’s why you must stop the arguing. You must stop the manipulation. You must find a different way to solve problems.
First Parenting Tip – Model Respect and Character:
Your voice, your body language, and your words have the power to teach.
Some parents teach the following mistakes. Don’t let these mistakes be yours:
1.) Argue with a loud rough voice. The child learns to argue the same way because parents modeled the voice.
2.) Stand with stiff body language, pointing finger, and angry face. The child learns to mimic the same stance because parents modeled it.
3.) Yell, name call, and use hurtful words. The child repeats the language because parents modeled it.
What to do:
Speak kindly and firmly with your child. Form a relaxed body language and speak in a civilized manner. You are the parent, the teacher, the model.
Second Parenting Tip – Listen Well and Speak Well
1.) Look into your child’s eyes as he’s speaking.
2.) Give your child your full attention.
3.) Ask questions to show interest.
4.) Avoid interrupting.
5.) Stay on the subject.
Third Parenting Tip – The Rules and the Formula
The Discipline Formula Rules:
You’ll need a timer and a coin.
Toss the coin to see who starts.
You can only speak when holding the coin.
The first speaker, with coin in hand, can only speak for one minute. When done, the speaker gives the coin to the listener.
Start the timer.
The Discipline Formula:
After the listener receives the coin and before he starts to make his point, he must say in his own words what he heard the speaker before him say.
He then asks, “Was I right?” If he wasn’t, he must keep trying until he gets it right. Only when the listener repeats correctly can he become the speaker.
Then start the one minute timer.
Repeat this process until each person is ready to make some positive commitments about the subject of the argument.
Write out the commitments with each person signing his name next to his commitment. Post it on the refrigerator.
Conclusion for Teaching your Kids How to Solve Arguments:
Stop spinning into endless arguments with your kids. You don’t have to roll over and say “Yes” when you want to say, “No.” Use the Winning Formula for Solving Arguments. Model both respect and character. Listen well and speak well. If you do, you’ll both be getting the love and respect you each want.
And now I invite you to claim your Instant Access to my FREE Child Discipline e-Course when you visit http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/e-course-the-discipline-attitude.asp
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From the desk of Jean Tracy, MSS, writing about character, parenting, and family solutions