by Shannon Ables
Eastern Oregon writer
The Simply Luxurious Life
Walking down the sidewalk, in the hallways at work or school, through boutiques or at your favorite restaurant, you observe glances, stares and perhaps comments as you go about your business. Consequently, some of us (many of us at one time or another) begin to, almost without thinking, fidget, lowering your head slightly or feel a bit comfortable. Why? Honestly, there is no real reason except for the reason you’ve created in your head. In this case, the reason is one in which you have attached to what you perceive to be negative judgment by those around you whether you know them or not. In fact for some, this misperception prevents them from venturing out and trying new things, dressing in a style they’ve been curious about or doing things that have always piqued their interest. But no longer.
Today, I want to convince you to let go of others’ judgments – real or perceived. I want you to liberate yourself, thus helping yourself create a more fulfilling, creative and enriching life. While is has been said many times that most people are too worried about themselves to notice what’s going on with them, the truth is, we know people judge because you and I have most likely been guilty of passing judgment a time or two in the past ourselves. But today I’d like to ask you, in what way does passing judgment on others help us in our every day lives and in pursuing our dreams? It doesn’t. It simply does not aid us at all, and actually depletes energy that can be better used to help propel our own dreams and ideas forward.
The one aspect that comes just before we judge is observation, and it is observation that can be helpful. It is observation that can be used constructively to help us and others learn, grown and gain inspiration. We see a way of dressing that is inspiring and we try to mimic it in our own style, or conversely, we see a behavior that is offensive and we learn through observation what not to do. But it is when we take these negative observations and use them in a destructive fashion (gossip, jumping to assumptions or trying to bring someone down with a rude comment) that turns a positive into a negative.
Knowing that we will never be able to bring to a halt criticism or the judgment of others as it is completely out of our own control, we must then accept responsibility for what we can control and how we let it affect us and our daily lives.
Here are a few ways to combat the judgment of others and let it go, creating a habit of paying it no mind:
1. Understand that their judgment has very little to do with you. Accept that those who judge are actually reflecting their own insecurities, fears and frailties which have nothing to do with you what-so-ever.
2. Become grounded and confident in who you are and what you are doing. People who mock, tease or try to tear down others are less likely to continue to do so when their target doesn’t back down or ignores them completely. When you are certain of yourself, your actions and your choices, you are less likely to waiver and the “bullies” are less likely to continue to pounce.
3. Broaden your own perspective. For me, travel (especially international travel, but it needn’t be the only remedy) has broaden my understanding of what it means to live well. If we only experience the small world we’ve grown up in as the only way to live happily, it is easier to pass judgment (ignorantly so) on other behaviors we don’t understand or have never seen before. By traveling, what I’ve learned is that there are endless ways to live well, and the beauty is that not one way is the only way. When you realize this, upon your return, it is easier to stand your ground knowing that you are living in a way that best suits you, even if it is not what others are used to.
4. Fall in love with the life you are living. Get busy chasing your goals and dreams. Fill your days with to-dos that bring you joy and lift your mood. When you become enamored with the choices you’ve made and the life you are building for yourself, you no longer have time to analyze, fret and stress about what others might be thinking about your decisions.
5. Master your emotions. Our emotions can be a very powerful master if we shrink to their every demand. In Eckhart Tolle’s widely acclaimed book A New Earth, he explains a simple process on how to control our emotions (good and bad). First, become aware of what your are feeling (fear, embarrassment, worry, etc); second, observe this particular emotion with your mind (rationally and objectively); third, understand that if you are noticing it, it can’t be a part of you; and lastly, watch the emotion disappear. Upon understanding objectively why you are feeling the way you are feeling, you are mastering your emotions as you choose to let it go and not let it provoke you into doing something you might later regret or allow it to hold you back from doing what you wish to do.
6. Stop Assuming the Worst. Most people aren’t as interested in our actions, appearance and thoughts as we think. Let them do their thing, and get on about the business of doing yours because truthfully, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind” what you do, as long as you are being true to yourself.
Once you are able to let go of what others think, you will feel a burden lift. You will feel a weight of pressure remove itself allowing you to breathe deeper and step forward with more confidence as you begin to live the life that is calling your name, begging you to enjoy. Do you have an itch to swap your contacts for glasses in order to change your style? Do it! Want to investigate how you can begin your very own business? Make an appointment with a mentor in the business community you admire. Want to see that new Indie film that came out last week, but no one wants to go with you? Go by yourself and enjoy it without interruption!
With our actions, we define what a fulfilling life looks like, and if we cower to the assumed judgments of others, we are limiting the amazing opportunities life has waiting to share with us. So today, begin shedding the burden of others’ opinions and choose to dare greatly as you begin living the life you’ve been dreaming about.